I actually do this a lot…
Sebastian, age 2, 09/04/2013 at Momo’s house
The Golden Rule.
You can’t judge me by my parenting methods. We were at a restaurant, and of course just like any other time you take a small kid out in public, he or she decides to act up.how do you deal with a fussy and impatient toddler? You throw out everything that you have in your purse for the kid to play with! Even tampons. Shut up, boys, they’re clean. No one is going to carry a USED one.
So after offering my jam-packed planner, pen, highlighter, compact mirror, money, and even a quick trip to look at the fish in the fish tank he still wasn’t pacified. What does any good mother do in this (and many other) desperate situations? She brings out the big guns: CANDY. Sweets will shut up a kid in a second. From a tantrum-throwing monster one second into a little, grinning pest the other, which at the sight of that devious smile you just feel a twist at your side. Ooh, little boy. So you reciprocate that devilish little smile and hand over the candy, old lady! Done.
Sebastian enjoyed the grape-flavored lollipop for all of 90 seconds. I had a backup candy; it was one of those pineapple candies that come in candy bags at Mexican birthday parties. It was old. But the food came and Sebastian rejoiced at the sight of his penne pasta.
To those who think candy will spoil a kids appetite: my son ate his food like he was from the third world.
And yeah, I would offer those kids all of my candy and all of my food any second if shipping was free and airfare wasn’t wallet-draining.
The Best Birth Control In The World Is For Men by Jon Clinkenbeard
If I were going to describe the perfect contraceptive, it would go something like this: no babies, no latex, no daily pill to remember, no hormones to interfere with mood or sex drive, no negative health effects whatsoever, and 100 percent effectiveness. The funny thing is, something like that currently exists.
The procedure called RISUG in India (reversible inhibition of sperm under guidance) takes about 15 minutes with a doctor, is effective after about three days, and lasts for 10 or more years…
Oh, and when you do decide you want those babies, it only takes one other injection of water and baking soda to flush out the gel, and within two to three months, you’ve got all your healthy sperm again.
The trouble is, most people don’t even know this exists. And if men only need one super-cheap shot every 10 years or more, that’s not something that gets big pharmaceutical companies all fired up, because they’ll make zero money on it (even if it might have the side benefit of, you know, destroying HIV).
Ready to have an eye kept on her.
Ready to have someone call her a cab if she’s stumbling.
Ready to be treated as a human being and not date raped.
Ew what the fuck